It’s been a rough couple of weeks, although I’m excited to be documenting this incredible journey. After finding a couple of love letters from my beloved Derek a few weeks ago, I had many different emotions surface along this journey. Uncovering new feelings and new emotions make for remarkable healing moments. One where I am fascinated by the body’s way of healing in conjunction with the spiritual understanding of how life truly is. 

The soil beneath me begins to twist and churn which uncovers new emotions daily. One moment I feel great and empowered after an amazing morning workout at the gym. The next, I feel the sorrow of grief and guilt and wishing I could have done something more for a man that loved me so much. Within the sun, flames of fire roar as darkness falls over the land, leading by a death that has forever changed me in ways I never thought possible.

My head lowers in the mist of the flames which I feel have ignited around me so fast. A new surrounding of ash coming from every which way as they bury in these emotions, I fall victim to something as if its right out a greek tragedy. My wings are heavy, and my feet move slow in the mud and soot as I continue to walk through the fog of ash around and I continue to turn up the soil removing all negative energy from my old being.

Yes life continues to move on. It doesn’t stand still, no matter how hard I try. But it’s all in a process. Time heals and we continue our path around the sun. The light will rise again, giving new life, a new form of seeing.

I have fallen, I have made mistakes, I have grieved the loss of people whom I love very much. I am not perfect by any means, but I put my trust in the universe that my journey will continue to help me grow in new ways I never thought possible. I trust and emerge myself in the ash… into the darkness. I feel like in this transitional process of my journey, I am reborn with new eyes, new thoughts, and new way of extending my wings to elevate to new levels of the love and light. Many lessons will continue along my path – they will continue until I am no longer a mortal being. 

And for this, a new phoenix will be born…


As the lone wolf howls at the moon… 

Dark is the night as the cold wind howls through the winter forest…the glimmering snow, which is the only light that guides your lonely path. 

The first full moon is upon us, the Full Wolf Moon. The description can be found in ancient folk lore of indigenous cultures and other cultures around the world. Stories of wolves, lurking around the villages, use to cast their head back and howl. The wolf howl can be very poetic to hear in the long winter night, as the moon illuminates the crisp snowy blanket covering the ground. 

As the lore continues, the moon casts both light and darkness, and wolf represents the light and dark within humanity. I, too, reflect in my darkness. I evaluate my weakness’ I have, I write about vulnerabilities and life lessons I have learned. I embrace my shadow self, as much as the moon embraces its own. We can learn much from the lone wolf as it walks along the path being illuminated by the moon.

The lone wolf marks a transitional time. I have always thought of this stage as a metamorphosis within the wolf’s spirit rather then the animal being in aimless wander. There is direction that lays deep within the instinct. This time alone marks a period of healing, a sense of hibernation to collectively bring together our thoughts and feelings. The lone wolf teaches us about the notion of strength and courage to move on into dark uncharted waters. Trust…New paths of excitement are on the brink of the horizon. Loneliness, transition, trust, they all help create deep new parts of our soul that have been ignited by these drastic changes along our path.

A lone wolf could very well choose to leave the pack if it feels it is weaker or lagging behind. Its inner strength can be preserved however the cost of being vulnerable now takes the forefront of the wolf’s story. I did not choose this life for me at this point in time. However, like the lone wolf, I release the vulnerability during this time of my life. I accept this as part of a new chapter. As the Spirit of the Wolf, I find it easy to understand the reflection between myself and the vulnerable animal. At some point I will be part of a new pack, embracing my new role. The shift will come when my soul is ready. For now I stand alone, I walk alone, along my path. 


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