Tag: grief and healing

The Top 5 Questions when I SMUDGE…

Posted on by JenCB
Tobacco, Sage, Sweetgrass, and Cedar

It’s been no secret, I’ve always loved a good ghost story! I have always seen or sensed spirits since I was a young girl. In my late teens, I decided to explore this realm and study as much as I could on the topic. In my early 20s, I started to do paranormal investigations in homes, and now in my mid-thirties, it’s part of my business. I love teaching people the art of smudging, paranormal investigation, and coach people on how to discover the many different ways we can cleanse ourselves and space around us.

About seven years ago, I started to find my path of purpose with paranormal energy cleansing and began to learn the practice of smudging. I decided to explore this path and learn from a few different Indigenous Elders from the local area and also abroad. Over the years, I have discovered my indigenous roots and now love teaching people how to smudge and cleanse their home. I bring in a variety of teachings from around the world as we are all connected on this planet. By exploring our roots and also the origins of the land where we live, we can have a stronger connection with our higher self to the universe and even our deep soul with Mother Earth. 

So I decided to write down some of the top smudging questions I usually receive when I visit a home or business. Lots of people write about the art of smudging (which is excellent), the “how to do’s”, yet these questions run a bit deeper along a spiritual journey which I’m happy to share with all of you … 

Who can smudge? When I coach people through a smudging routine, I always encourage people to find their smudging routine. Anyone can smudge, and when you practice the art of smudging from the heart centre, it means you are coming from a place of pure and good intention. These teachings are directly from one of my elders. I feel blessed I can pass these teachings over you.  

How often should I smudge? I think this is one of my favourite questions as I always love to encourage people to listen to their intuition. When you feel called to smudge, go for it! Sometimes I need to smudge daily (or even twice), sometimes I can go for a couple of weeks. Like cleaning your home and removing the dust, you do it when you begin to notice that your place needs it. This is similar to smudging. 

Where should I start? I like this one as it can be a 3 part question. I want to suggest that most people begin with sage. Burning sage is where I first started as well when my elder taught me. From there, I discovered many other land medicines that have helped me along the way. Yes, the four sacred medicines are part of what I use now, but I have also used bay leaves (which come from the Mediterranean) and even lavender or rosebuds as well. 

Physically, I always love to start with myself, smudging and cleansing your hands first and foremost to make sure you have moved throughout all the negative energy. Then you can cleanse your space. It’s like washing your hands before prepping for dinner. You wouldn’t want to prep food with dirty hands, right? Next, I move to the front door, and I follow the path of the sun around the house. I have discovered what feels right for me. You may wish to do something different, but it’s always nice to have a frame of reference. 

Lastly – it’s important to point out: you can smudge yourself, you can smudge someone else, you can also smudge a space or place if you need to or sometimes I will light the smudge and just leave it burning on the table, not for any particular reason, but more of a “just in case” scenario. Note: If you are smudging someone else or someone else’s place, I invite you to ask for their permission first. 

Can I incorporate smudge with rocks and crystals? My answer is: YES! We are all connected on this planet as energy, so if you are feeling a pull (or curiosity) towards crystals, then yes please follow your path of curiosity and see what kind of teachings you discover. Some also use Tibetan singing bowls to elevate vibrational frequency as well… GO FOR IT! And as a coach, however, I can help – it’s what I LOVE TO DO!

and I saved the best for last…

Do I smudge ONLY when there are ghosts? Smudging has most definitely helped me connect with the land and also connect with my higher self. I have stronger visions when I use smudge when I do my paranormal investigations. But the two do not necessarily go hand in hand. Lately, I cleansed a home where there weren’t any ghosts; the owners just wanted the land cleansed due to human beings (previous homeowners) leaving behind their own negative energy. So to answer this one: I like smudging when there are ghosts and discovering who they are and what their purpose is. I also like to smudge when there isn’t a ghost, and I need to cleanse energy when regular people leave it behind. 

 

I hope that answers some of your questions regarding smudging and cleansing yourself, home, or other space. Please feel free to contact me should you have additional questions regarding this topic. I’m happy to pass on my teachings. 

Blessings along your path. 

JenCB

Grief and the Holidays

Posted on by JenCB

 

It’s never an easy thing to think about. The moment you wake up and realize you and your husband will never share these special moments again.  He died suddlenly over Thanksgiving weekend in 2016, so my first major celebration without him was our anniversary (Dec. 06). Regardless of the date or celebration, the holiday season can be hard for some people who have experienced loss. I dedicate this blog to all of those reading it who have lost someone close this year. From my heart to yours, I hope these words are helpful in those dark moments, and gentle for your souls’ comfort.

There were a few people who I got to know during the first 6 weeks after his death, where their advice came in handy during the year of “firsts”. I kept thinking about my feelings and emotions as the days were building up to the month of December. Some of those included the following: (any of them sound familiar to you?)

  • How can I make it through Christmas? I can barely function! 
  • Where am I to go for the holidays? I just want to be alone. 
  • Who do I shop for? I can’t even make decisions right now for myself, let alone for other people too.

One of my very dear friends had asked me to fly down south to spend time with them in early December of that year. When I got the offer, I couldn’t think of a better time to go then over my anniversary. This gave me time to reflect on those moments and what I would do for the holiday season. A nice little getaway to a familar place, South Carolina. I had attended school there, and this small trip allowed me to be in a safe space to think, reflect, and move forward at the speed I felt comfortable with. These were the ideas I came up with, tried, and succeeded during my first experience of being widowed and surviving the holidays. Even though all grief experiences are entirely different, and I fully respect and believe this, maybe these ideas will help you reflect on the things that will help you get through this Christmas.  

Below are some little gems that served me well when I was going through the month of December. 

  1. Allow yourself to be GENTLE with yourself. This is the most important piece of advice I was given. Emotions are gonna be high and low and you can feel happy and sad all at the same time. I remember sitting in the car, unable to decide  where to go out for dinner when asked my opinion. Life was too foggy for me at that moment and I got anxious very quickly, even to make a simple decision like that. I simple said I wanted a salad, “so you pick the restaurant that would offer a salad for me and I’m okay with whatever”. 
  2.  Listen to yourself and give yourself some space if you need it. Even if you are with loved ones, you maybe needing to leave and have a quiet moment all to yourself. And thats okay! I know many who just want to “tough it out”. I encourage you to acknowledge those moments, because those moments will surface and they will pass. One of the things I shared, even to the children: I was going to give myself a “TIME OUT”. In most families, these two words are known to kids, which made it easier for them to understand. I never really got into any other explanation because that seemed to be okay with everyone. We all need a “time out” every now and then. Pay attention to what your body needs. 
  3.  Look for ways you can be mindful in the moment. As the days led up to Christmas, I began to see Christmas, not as ONE BIG EVENT, but a series of small things. When thinking big, I was getting overwhelmed thinking I cant make it through. Looking at it one moment at a time, helped me focus. Help out with baking cookies, or set the table. These little things are keeping your hands busy. 

For me I focused on Christmas Eve, and a visit with a girlfriend. I came home and watched a holiday movie… Christmas morning came and I poured myself a cup of coffee, then I went for a walk with the pups.  I came home and helped my mom set the table, and did a bit of journal writing. I really started to focus on the little things which helped me get through my first Christmas without my husband. Tears came yes, but in the moment, I minimized additional emotions like anxiety or frustration within the rawness of grief because I kept focusing on the smaller moments of time. 

Know that your loved one is there within you. I remember walking my pups on Christmas day. The sun was shining so bright that morning. I could feel him looking down on me. I remember feeling that I was going to be okay, that I would eventually heal. It would take time yes, but the most important part is to allow yourself to be honest with yourself and others: what you need etc.

Two years later, I am in a new relationship and moving forward with life! I am happy, yet I continue to have moments of grief and think of my late husband daily. I managed to celebrate Thanksgiving this year. Making it through the weekend was an accomplishment. I didn’t have to leave – like I did the first year, I couldn’t handle it and ran from the situation. By remembering the mindfulness tactics I have stated, I am able to work through my grief emotions and become present.

Being mindful in the moment helps a great deal moving forward. Creating the new normal and making new memories around the holiday season is part of the process. I wish you a wonderful holiday season.

 

Blessings along your path and with much love – JenCB

I am rooted! How trees are used in mindfulness training.

Posted on by JenCB

 

I am rooted in the stillness of the deep soul…

This past weekend I allowed myself to embark on a nature retreat opportunity. While co-facilitating this experience, I was also able to work on my own self-healing. From fairy lights and candlelit labyrinth walk to a sweat sauna experience, my deep soul was nourished in self-recognition. The trees around helped me see my own roots.

These past two years I have spent time creating my new normal. I have walked the path of grief, accepted it with open arms, and moved slowly to heal my broken heart. This weekend helped me realize that I am now stepping into ‘BEING” my new normal; my new self. I have cracked open the egg and emerging as my new being. I have spent many hours working on myself and I am ready, with an open heart and open arms, to see what the future will bring. As someone just reminded me, we are not human doings, we are human beings!

Being rooted with the trees helped me unplug from the day to day busy-ness of life and to go deep within my own being. How can this happen? How can I feel my deep soul for self reflection and an opportunity for growth?

I encourage you to do the following meditation exercise:

  • Schedule a light walk along the path (leaving the cell phone home or in the car).
  • Allow yourself to focus on your breath, inhaling for 4 counts and exhaling for 4 counts, Each time picture your breath touching your deep soul. Allow yourself to feel the nourishment. 
  • Find a tree. Allow yourself to stand up against it, lean into the tree, feel it’s bark, or (as another option) casually sit up against the tree with your back against its trunk. Close your eyes and breathe deeply. Feel that energy coming from the tree and picture your own roots projecting down deep into mother earth. 

This is one exercise you can do as a mindfulness technique. Spending time with yourself can help you nourish your deep soul, which will allow you the opportunity for self-reflection. These moments are important as they help strengthen your inner core so you can be your best self moving forward. 

Blessings along your path. 

2 Years Later

Posted on by JenCB

There is no easy way to say this. I still see you. I still see the sheer look of terror on your face after the harsh sounds of vomiting in the bathroom. I hear the female 911 dispatcher on the other end of the phone in her calm, present manner. The sound of dogs scratching from behind a closed door in confusion. What was once a regular Wednesday we woke up to, drastically turned to a horrible black and white darkened moment of harsh reality! A tragic nightmare that I replay in my head.

Yes PTSD relating to grief are puzzling moments to wrap your head around. Mental health is a constant self-check in balancing act of mindfulness attention. You feel like you are doing well, then one day – BOOM! – You feel like you are right back to where you once were. Visions, sights, sounds, even smells are horrible in those moments where you think you can’t escape. You think you’ve got this… but you lay awake late at night replaying those moments wondering if this is your fault. 

And all this time, two years, 730 days later; each day it’s like putting one puzzle pieces back together in which you thought it looked like. I’ve done a lot of work on building this puzzle back together. I’m not saying it’s been easy. There are days where I think “I’ve got this…look how far I’ve come… wow, look at my progress… (and again) I’ve got this!” and there are days where all I want to do is crawl back in bed and wish this puzzle wouldn’t even exist.

Yes PTSD grief is puzzling to work through.

Even two years later, I wake up on this Wednesday hearing what I heard … How do I get through this darken moments of horrific imaging? Fundamental elements are necessary to work through these situations… 

  • I allow myself to share this thoughts, visions, and feelings… it’s hard yes, but it’s okay! (words to live by: I’m not broken… and neither are you)
  • I go back to basic fundamental training today: rest, water, Netflix helps a bit too. I’ve scheduled to watch a movie later on. 
  • I write it out… I write… and I write everything down to move the energy through me.

Two years later…. It still hurts…. but I allow myself to be open, honest with myself, and believing that I can continue to move forward, one puzzle piece at a time. 

 

The Power of the Path

Posted on by JenCB

 

Broken Hearted

A widow falls to the kitchen floor in tears. Only a week ago she called the 911 dispatch hoping her husband only had flu-like symptoms. Little did she know that stage four of pancreatic cancer was eating him from slowly the inside out. In six short weeks he went from having a clean bill of health to be put on life support. In those moments on the cold kitchen floor, not knowing what the future will be, she screams out loud in helplessness behaviour. Her dogs watched helplessly as the tears rolled down her face. Alone with only her thoughts, the sound of silence echoed the house in a haunting manner.

He used to watch T.V. downstairs on a Sunday afternoon, often hearing the footsteps of him coming up the stairs now and then to check on his wife. No longer is the T.V. on, nor the sound of footsteps other than her slow pace as she walks around the house mumbling to herself “I can’t believe you are gone”. How can one cope with these trials and tribulations of grief? She hibernates. She doesn’t have the energy to leave the house. Most widows know how grief can take over the mind. Your thoughts become cloudy, and your decision making becomes muddled in confusion. Hibernation takes over, and yet you want to move on with your life. How can this be done?

Life can change in a matter of moments for an individual. The sudden loss of a loved one, a pet, a job can all be traumatizing, and the emotions of sorrow and despair can overwhelm an individual. Moments of fatigue, helplessness, loneliness, all affect our mental state of awareness which is compellingly. Rather than turn to traditional forms of healing, sometimes the informal way of learning can prove to be beneficial to those experiencing the grief-stricken sorrow. Yes, I did the regular and more formal ways of healing like grief counselling, yet I also turned to other means and creative outlets like art therapy and discovering a retreat centre. I wanted to dive deeper into myself and discover who I was at the core. What better time to find myself than now when, at the time, I felt like all as lost.

Coming to the Edge.

It was only a couple of google moments where, in a just a couple of clicks, I discovered the Edge and the Heart Foundations of Shamanism program: a retreat centre that seemed to fit what I needed at the time of grief and loss. As I drove northbound to this remote place, I found myself excited to find out what kinds of magical moments would lay ahead. The freshly fallen snow that covered the Canadian shield on that cold February day seemed to sparkle in the sunlight. I felt nervous traveling north, yet I’m reminded of my indigenous teachings where, in the North, it is the dawning-place of true wisdom. The North represents a space to realize all a traveler may posses within them. It is a place where the path becomes a mountain for us to climb, assess our deepest teachings and wisdom, and for us to discover what we have within ourselves.

As a nature retreat and awareness centre, I came to discover the power of the path at the Edge! In those moments of healing, I began to discover the power of listening. I listened to my soul. I listened and harnessed my appreciation for Gaia energy. As you are driving down the road, becoming unplugged to the world around, you can reconnect with your core, discovering who you are and embracing your belonging. Nature has a way of creating a deep play for young ones, but also for adults too. At the Edge, I was able to dream, create, and become mindful at the moment, leading by my heart centre. My heart was broken, my sense of identity lost. Coming to the circle, an ancient community practice, at the Edge, helped me understand what my new normal would become. The art of listening is what I encourage people to do in those moments. Taking a gentle walk along a path can have amazing healing moments as you listen to your soul. Even back at home away from the Edge, I walked a beautiful path in the woods on a regular basis (3-4 times a week) to help clear my cloudy thoughts of grief. I listened to the birds, the leaves rustling, I’d pause along the path, and I gave myself a space for my soul to be heard.

As a young widow, my normal was lost. My reality, my family, however, YOU have the power to create a new normal for yourself. You may not know what is in those moments of healing. If you can listen and trust in the path, the pieces of creativity are slowly emerging for you to create and weave together your new being.

Life’s Path: 2 Years later.

Grief still creeps in from time to time, though my pup and I are doing well these days. No longer am I on the floor in tears, but the occasional moment of silence will help me create a conversation with my husband on the other side. The love never died with Derek; he is still within my core. The silence within this space is no longer haunting, but a place is inviting me to continue to work and create my new normal. I listen, and I trust…and by discovering my new being, I can now love myself again and open myself up to love someone new.

After completing the Heart Foundations of Shamanism at the Edge, I was able to discover my true passion for teaching and leading again. Now as I approach the two year anniversary of my husband’s passing this fall, I have now become a Coach, Leader, Speaker, and Author, who is currently completing a Masters of Education, specifically in Outdoor and Land Teachings with Mindfulness Training. The power of the path underneath my toes holds space for me to create new and exciting tracks as I continue to listen to my soul.

At Home Practice:
Today, I encourage you to venture out onto a path. Let yourself become mindful of your breathe and take in the sights, sounds, and smells of the area around you. Feel that energy coming from Gaia. She is there with you. She holds the ground strong for you to walk on, and she gives you that breathe of air. Notice the path: Is it straight? Is it curved? Are there any branches sticking out in which you may have to step over? Reflect in these moments (either to yourself or even in a journal). Let yourself feel the strength coming from the path.

Blessings Along Your Path
~Jen CB~

 

Life’s Transitions and the birth of a Pheonix

Posted on by JenCB

 

It’s been a rough couple of weeks, although I’m excited to be documenting this incredible journey. After finding a couple of love letters from my beloved Derek a few weeks ago, I had many different emotions surface along this journey. Uncovering new feelings and new emotions make for remarkable healing moments. One where I am fascinated by the body’s way of healing in conjunction with the spiritual understanding of how life truly is. 

The soil beneath me begins to twist and churn which uncovers new emotions daily. One moment I feel great and empowered after an amazing morning workout at the gym. The next, I feel the sorrow of grief and guilt and wishing I could have done something more for a man that loved me so much. Within the sun, flames of fire roar as darkness falls over the land, leading by a death that has forever changed me in ways I never thought possible.

My head lowers in the mist of the flames which I feel have ignited around me so fast. A new surrounding of ash coming from every which way as they bury in these emotions, I fall victim to something as if its right out a greek tragedy. My wings are heavy, and my feet move slow in the mud and soot as I continue to walk through the fog of ash around and I continue to turn up the soil removing all negative energy from my old being.

Yes life continues to move on. It doesn’t stand still, no matter how hard I try. But it’s all in a process. Time heals and we continue our path around the sun. The light will rise again, giving new life, a new form of seeing.

I have fallen, I have made mistakes, I have grieved the loss of people whom I love very much. I am not perfect by any means, but I put my trust in the universe that my journey will continue to help me grow in new ways I never thought possible. I trust and emerge myself in the ash… into the darkness. I feel like in this transitional process of my journey, I am reborn with new eyes, new thoughts, and new way of extending my wings to elevate to new levels of the love and light. Many lessons will continue along my path – they will continue until I am no longer a mortal being. 

And for this, a new phoenix will be born…

To My Love …. Somewhere Over the Rainbow…

Posted on by JenCB

 

This past Friday afternoon, while scrolling through the Facebook newsfeed, I came across a video of the song, in remembrance to an Hawaiian Indigenous Singer (IZ). It marked the beginning of letting go the waves of sorrow and emotion, in which (I can honestly say) felt good. My heart sank, my knees up to my chest, the dim light was on and I couldn’t help but replay the song as I discovered a spiritual belief in this moment of darkness. Mixed feelings are inevitable and one I’m not apposed to writing about (grief and sadness plus joyous excitement). Last blog I wrote was about the darkness… and now a new discovery that was illuminated by an abundance of colour. 

A few months prior, that very song surfaced on FB. It was a moment where both Derek and I stopped and listened to the melody. Both he and I enjoyed it very much, standing randomly in our room as we paused our day, and there also a few tears that slipped through. I hadn’t understood why, however I can now connect the dots and realize my soul might have had already knew the inevitable.

I had never really payed much attention to rainbows up until just recently. I had noticed the rainbows while living in Switzerland as we were surrounded by them landing over the Swiss alpines. This happened quite frequently. I knew they were a huge part of my spirituality, though could never really connect the dots. I noticed them coming more and more into my circle of awareness in the months leading up to Derek’s passing. I started questioning this and even asked others what the beauty meant to them. I knew the dots would connect eventually… I just never realized how or why… 

Only 2 days prior to his transition and passing, we were driving on the outskirts of Barrie heading out to a new friends house for wine and boardgames. Over the rolling hills and off to the north, we were following this beautiful rainbow. He slowed down so I was to capture the majestic beauty that symbolized the calm after the storm. Talk about dramatic irony of what was to lay ahead. The colour was magnificent capturing every “colour of the rainbow” that early evening as we were driving. From the deep reds on one side to the vibrant of purples on the other, the sun played its roll in shining its energy down for us to admire this work of art. We followed it to our friends house as if it was lighting our path.

And now after listening to this song, I can now understand how you (Derek) have followed the path… Over the Rainbow… and for others to follow their path…. this what has come to me…  

…Scientifically, the rainbows are the reflection of light against water droplets, however they are the reflection appearing from the other spectrum realms of light in the sky. We followed that rainbow that evening whereby only 48 hours later I can now feel within me how Derek continued his path onward and upward across the multiple rays of light into another dimension. 

Somewhere over the rainbow, there’s a place where the dreams are projected in colour and it is there the pathway leads onward, on your journey. The storm has subsided now. Your energy has now been carried over the rainbow leading you home. These doors create a double vision…  it is where the doors are located for me to find you, knowing you are not far off from where you aught to be and for me to believe in the dreams that lay before me on this plain. 

You can follow the rainbow path, as your dreams are waiting there for you. May your heart sore with the abundance of this beauty that lay before you, knowing the world can create many wonderful majestic pieces of art and colourful possibilities- just waiting for you to explore. And it is there…. where your loved ones are watching from above… in love light and truth.