It’s been a rough couple of weeks, although I’m excited to be documenting this incredible journey. After finding a couple of love letters from my beloved Derek a few weeks ago, I had many different emotions surface along this journey. Uncovering new feelings and new emotions make for remarkable healing moments. One where I am fascinated by the body’s way of healing in conjunction with the spiritual understanding of how life truly is.
The soil beneath me begins to twist and churn which uncovers new emotions daily. One moment I feel great and empowered after an amazing morning workout at the gym. The next, I feel the sorrow of grief and guilt and wishing I could have done something more for a man that loved me so much. Within the sun, flames of fire roar as darkness falls over the land, leading by a death that has forever changed me in ways I never thought possible.
My head lowers in the mist of the flames which I feel have ignited around me so fast. A new surrounding of ash coming from every which way as they bury in these emotions, I fall victim to something as if its right out a greek tragedy. My wings are heavy, and my feet move slow in the mud and soot as I continue to walk through the fog of ash around and I continue to turn up the soil removing all negative energy from my old being.
Yes life continues to move on. It doesn’t stand still, no matter how hard I try. But it’s all in a process. Time heals and we continue our path around the sun. The light will rise again, giving new life, a new form of seeing.
I have fallen, I have made mistakes, I have grieved the loss of people whom I love very much. I am not perfect by any means, but I put my trust in the universe that my journey will continue to help me grow in new ways I never thought possible. I trust and emerge myself in the ash… into the darkness. I feel like in this transitional process of my journey, I am reborn with new eyes, new thoughts, and new way of extending my wings to elevate to new levels of the love and light. Many lessons will continue along my path – they will continue until I am no longer a mortal being.
And for this, a new phoenix will be born…